People who post pictures of their food on facebook can fuck off

People who post pictures of their food on facebook can fuck off out of my life.

Pho is the worst offender: iphone instagram photo: “great pho…” “best pho ever…” “pho time!!!” (50 different people all with the same finessed appreciation of pho and the pho- photographic skills to render it like the quaint but touching ochre-tinted photos of your parents’ wedding in the late 70s, with all of your old aunties and grandparents, now long dead and gone, wearing their nice but fake pearls and genuine smiles). What the phuck is pho anyway. Looks like wet vegetables to me.

Why have cooking shows such as Masterchef elevated food to an “art”? People think they’re cultured because they have an appreciation for food, but wouldn’t know the inside of a gallery unless there was some kind of cheap dumpling restaurant attached to it or it was sponsored by a boutique beer company who serve their bottles in paper bags to be quaint.

Worse than that… I’m glad you enjoy your phood… but according to your facebook, everyday, every meal is better than the last… This instant posting of photos and opinions means people don’t hold their thoughts in their heads for more than two seconds; facebook is the repository of your life, thoughts and memories. Alright, we all need a bit of help there, especially if you’re a lithe young hipster who drinks the vino and the goon and the vodka like a fish,  &  takes the old eccy poppers with the same frequency as vitamin supplements, but if you instantly relegate all thought, memory and opinion from your brain onto the net, it makes critique and comparison very difficult. You need to be able to hold two things beside each other in order to compare them and come up with an informed appraisal (and to see if, at the end of the day, they have any real or lasting value). Try it and see how hard it is: go on, hold onto two thoughts at once.

At the end of the month, if this bowl is “the best pho ever”, doesn’t that mean that the bowl you also photographed and assessed as “the best ever” at the beginning of the month was comparatively crap? How can I respect your opinion?

The only time I want to see another picture of “The best pho ever” is from someone who, at the end of their life, flicks through all of the pho photos on their ipho-phone and remembers, truly remembers, and feels for certain after 80 years of thoughtful and considerate pho eating, that this one – this bowl – really was the best of the lot.

Then I want to see it juxtaposed with the nostalgia-hued instagram photo of the toilet bowl and all that remained once you’d had your way with it.


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