There’s no place like home, Melbourne, OZ. PS. This is sarcastic.

Well I have got home from Texas & set down in Melbourne, OZ with a notch on my belt and a notebook full of musings about dime store glamour and astute observations of the American peoples, eg.

*The US population is sustained by inbreeding.

* Guys are dicks and dolls are stupid.

Arriving home into the flummoxed heart of a city astir with “foot ball fever” (which presents the same symptoms as syphilis and is often misdiagnosed as such), the rain blowing horizontally under my umbrella into my beautiful legs and bringing all of the sluglike nutwhacks up and out into the gutter to regale me with the moulting parrot’s approximation of human language, “Gooooooocats, caaaaaa-a-a-a-aarnpies…”, I have seen fit to add new jottings to my notebook re: the Australian peoples.

*The AUS population is sustained by inbreeding.

*Blokes are dicks and sheilas are stupid.

Upon being decisively fired for my unexplained absence from the wasteland of TIMR on S- St, which makes its putrid nest under an artist’s impression of green Gak, I have now obtained some gainful employment in a grand theatre scraping the chewing gum from the bottom of the seats and sweeping up the left-over popcorn, which management then sells to orphans & chicks for catering their hens nights. It is not such a bad job; between the sighing art deco curve of the stalls and the progression of lampshades that ascend like box kites and the snowstorm of dust in the air, it has preserved some of the old-timey glamour of the black and white “flickers” and ages past when the kinema was a “pleasure palace” and young unmarried couples would pay 25 cents to get off with each other in row GG.

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One thought on “There’s no place like home, Melbourne, OZ. PS. This is sarcastic.

  1. Pingback: In Conclusion, TX | missshitsville

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