You can always judge people by their shoes.

Oh, I forgot I was telling you about the awful people I know. I suppose I should avoid generalities but that is hard for me since if get specific I run a real risk of NAMING PEOPLE (should I…? Let’s have a vote.) For the moment let’s just make sweeping statements.

If you expose yourself to the horrors of society long enough, eventually you will realise that people are all the same. No matter what scene or circle or sphere or sub culture (or what have you) you are in you will start to meet the same people over and over again. This is because, despite what Sesame Street and your mum or your high school self esteem workshop will tell you, YOU ARE NOT AN INDIVIDUAL. YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. And – best of all – YOU ARE NOT IRREPLACEABLE.

In fact if you go along long enough eventually you will meet someone who is exactly like you. Most people are too dumb to realise. Or too wrapped up in their misguided sense of self-worth. In this case they will automatically hate on sight their double. In the other case you can have a wonderfully passionate relationship that is basically akin to masturbation (the mutual self appreciation society) since really you’re getting turned on by yourself. These relationships will always end in tears since you will both be self-obsessed and have no consideration for the other person, and be annoyed because they show you no consideration. Too bad.  Otherwise it will just get really boring.

But if you go on a bit longer you’ll meet someone who is not like you at all. This is better. In the main because the person who is not like you will think everything you do is incredibly wonderful and marvellous and amazing (or is this just me?) precisely because it would never enter their head to do what you do. Anyway this is the best kind of relationship for a sweet and charming girl such as I because you get to bully this person as much as you like and they will thank you for it. You can get them super drunk and send them back to their girlfriend the next day with a massive hand print on their arse. But it is not at all a one-way relationship. In this case you can fall in love with the reflection of yourself in their eyes and go to some effort to be caring in order to keep the reflection there.  This is the general case when they say (whoever “they”are) opposites attract. People forget that your mirror image looks identical but actually it is opposite. When it doesn’t work don’t despair. Remember that nobody is unique. You’ll meet the same person again. It is a weird fact that all of the boys I’ve ever loved (allllllllllllthreeeeeeeeeeeofthemmmm) have looked the same and ended by hating me in the same way, except that the last one would rather fake his own death than go out with me, so he gets a few more points for invention.

Other than that. It is safe to say that you can always judge a person by their shoes. Shoes never lie. Write this down.



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