In light of the number of people who tell me I’ve made their QOTD blog, I thought I’d compile a list of quotes that will help guide you through this miserable life. There’s also this list, for you to share with your friends: Life advice from Shitsville.
1. I think we all ought to stop looking for some kind of nebulous happiness and realise that the trick is to not get any less drunk.
2. The thing is that all problems go away in time – they either go by their own accord, sick of waiting, or they die because you don’t feed them, like a little dog.
3. ‘I often tasted Chicos at the back of his mouth,’ she went on, conversationally. ‘Chicos have a rancid aftertaste, like the charnel house.’
4. It is all so stupidly stupid. Life. Human endeavour. Aspirations to Love. We are alive a long time and have plenty of time in which to suffer.
5. In contrast to perceived wisdom, when you feel as big as God, you are not flooded with compassion for the little man, just overawed by the sense of how easy and pleasing it would be to crush everyone and flood out their houses like an ants’ nest.
6. Betty Ford recommends that you call someone every time you feel like a drink. So I do. I call the bartender.
7. Fuck Betty Ford.
8. Fuck Jane Fonda.
9. My best advice would be to try not to piss of a writer.
10. You are old. Let’s just admit you haven’t much left to look forward to in life.